The Ballad of McFucked-Up

Some girls have their McDreamys; some girls have their McFucked-ups. On learning to tell the difference, the hard way.

The sadder but wiser girl am I
A sadder but wiser girl
I met a boy and thought my luck up
I couldn't guess just how he’d fuck up
The otherwise lovely McFucked-up.

He was dashing and strong, and virile
And said that he loved me so deeply
It wasn’t too long
Before it went wrong
And soon I was feeling a muck up
From the otherwise lovely McFucked-up.

Still, he came back all devoted
He swore he’d be faithful and true
He’d just one condition
Of his own volition
He'd ne’er flatter, nor fawn, nor suck up
My otherwise lovely McFucked-up.

But twisted he was, and mad
Yet I only could see the good
I love you, he’d cry
I love you, he’d sigh
Oh you silly lover I’d cluck
Up into the ear of my gallant McFucked-up.

The sadder but wiser girl am I
A sadder but wiser girl
He’s done it before, he did it again
I can’t hang around, and watch it upend
I’ve got to move on, he’s got a new friend
New boys at the door, there’s no time to spend
On missing and loving and nodding and pining
On frowning and crying, the sun is still shining!
On hoping and praying and plotting and plying
The persistently distant McFucked-up.

And what, you may ask, is the moral of my story?
Don’t give your heart for less than sheer glory.
I know he seems charming
I know he's disarming
But if you meet my McFucked-up
Disregard his pluck:
Up and Run.


Autumn said...

I am sorry for what happened to you.
But from the sounds of it you are much better off without him!
At least you didn't get married to him and have kids...that is what I am dealing with right now with my italian ex.
Stay strong!

Mlle Smith said...


Love it!! This actually reads well, omg, I was eager to hear the ending! LOVE the cohesion of it all...it reminds me to be fierce (in the Cher/Madonna sense of the word) and never settle for less than I deserve. Go Maitresse!! :0)

Anonymous said...

You poor thing. Be strong girl!

Anonymous said...

Writing well is the best revenge.

Great poem/post. Keep 'em coming. It's the best way to heal.

ParisBreakfasts said...

There's nothing like the power of writing a poem or a limerick after a catastrophe. When I got shot friends helped me write a limerick and now I remember that better than the incident. Are you going to set this to music and sing it?

Gillian Young said...

Beautiful! Any chance of us getting to hear you belt it out?

(By the way I constantly listen to the song you put up with you singing, only wish it was longer.)

Miss your face too,

Julia said...

Bloody genius piece of writing/getting it out of your system!

Neil said...

Sorry! There is better out there. Europe is still yours for the taking.

Anonymous said...

Good luck gal.

Anonymous said...

Bear no regrets. He really sounds like a "malotrus".

Anonymous said...

I haven't been following your blog lately so excuse me for not updated on the latest happenings. Regardless of anything, this is good stuff that you've written.

maitresse said...

merci a toutes et a tous... si seulement je pourrais suivre mes propres ordonnances! toujours amoureuse de ce soi-disant malotrus, je crains.

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