looking and listening

I've been quiet lately. That's largely because my iBook is currently in critical condition at the Apple Emergency Room after shutting off and going into a state they call "kernel panic," which basically means it won't turn back on.

But it's also because I've had so much to do since I came back from Italy that I haven't had time to blog about the trip, or Festival America, or any of the other things I've been up to that might be post-worthy.

What it comes down to, however, is not computer failure or lack of time. It's that I'm in one of my hazes, what happens when things are fulminating and I'm taking in a lot of information but am not really processing it. I'm mulling a lot of things over right now. I'm just living one day to the next and trying not to default on any of my responsabilities.

I'm turning twenty-eight this week. I can't even bring myself to plan a party. I can't commit to a date and a location. I just feel very fluid about it.

I've even stopped wearing my iPod when I go places. It was because of the computer failure, initially-- it ran out of battery and needed the computer to be turned on to charge. But even after I bought a charger I haven't used it. It's just another complication; another layer distancing me from where I am. It's having to be conscious of one more thing, the discomfort of headphones and the wire hanging down my front leading into my pocket.

I think N and I are going to go out of town for the weekend. I think maybe when I get my computer back I'll plug myself back in.


Ms Adventures in Italy said...

Happy early bday (mine is Thursday!) - I go exactly through what you do....though instead of a haze, I get nervous and feel like I should be processing it all somehow. I use a little notebook to write stuff down when my brain finally comes back to me and wants to download something out of the queue. :)

Neil said...

Have a fun birthday!

Julia said...

I know how you feel...

Happy Birthday in the meantime! I'm sure it will be great :-)

La Page Française said...

Happy birthday!
I know that feeling of just wanting to take everything in and not writing about it just yet. Sometimes it's good to take a little break and process everything, and then come back to writing when you are ready.
Enjoy your birthday week and your trip out of town!

Hugo said...
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Huguenot said...

Ooo I feel guilty now for chalking up my iBook vote on the other side of Paris